Don C. of Santa Rosa CA

March 23, 1992 marked the first day of my new life. At a dirty men's halfway house on Stony Point Road God removed my desire to drink or use substances and filled me with new hope. I was not an alcoholic or a drug addict when God led me to my first AA meeting. To this day, I wonder how I got there. I have to conclude that it was only by His will for me, not by own will.

In my 18th year of complete abstinance from alcohol or other substances, it is clear now that God truly does have plans for me, to prosper me and not to harm me, and to give me hope and a future. There is no question in my mind that God has done for me what I could not do for myself, and I praise the Lord for that.

HOW IT WAS: Growing up with parents who were raised by alcoholic fathers, my parents did the best they could with what they had. Using fear to make us behave, my entire childhood was spent afraid of both my father and my mother. I learned to be respectful and never swore or disrespected them because I would likely get "the paddle" by my mom raging out of control as she spanked her young boys with it. I couldn't wait to move out and what I didn't realize at the time was that she couldn't wait for me to move out. Clearly nothing more than a pain in her ass for 18 years, my mother made it clear that there would be no more help coming from her when I moved out. Today I can see that she resented me my entire life and it is still reflected in her rejection of me today, despite 18 years of sobriety and a lifetime of kissing her ass in the hopes that she might love me one day.

WHAT HAPPENED: At 36 years old, after 12 years of pot addiction (almost daily use from age 16-28) and ongoing alcohol and drug use since the age of 16, I was trying to quit again. I had been trying to quit doing drugs for 3 years, swearing off completely on Monday morning after another weekend of too much, as a weekend warrior I always changed my mind no later than Friday morning. On this day, March 23rd 1992, I found myself staring at my front door, clean and sober for 10 days this time, aware that someone was going to come through that door with a bag or a bottle and I was say Nooooookay, my "no" turning into "okay" like it always did. Filled with awareness of my iminent failure, it occurred to me that "I need help". I had never thought that before. I suddenly knew that it was true.

HOW IT IS TODAY: As Director of the largest long-term, faith-based (ironic, isn't it, since all 12 Step programs are faith-based?) 12 Step residential drug & alcohol treatment program in Sonoma County, the God I didn't even know on March 23rd of 1992 has blessed me with nearly 18 years of continuous sobriety, a little girl born to a man who was certain I was sterile, a wife of 14 years, a music career I always wanted and the opportunity to help more men than I can even count. That's the nutshell version.

7 years into my sobriety, having served AA as a greeter, a literature person, a secretary at countless meetings, and as Chairman of Intergroup for 2 years, without relapse along the way, the God I still didn't understand suddenly made Himself known to me. Blessing me with what I can only describe as a life-changing face-to-face with Jesus, I went from being a contemptuous life-longChristian hater and skeptic to being on fire for Jesus in a single moment. How could this happen? The 11th Step facilitated this profound change in me. "Continued to seek through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God..." rendered me the same result that it did for the first "more than 100 men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body". My sponsor Roy A. (RIP) modeled for me what the Big Book calls us to do: not have "contempt prior to investigation" and to be "open-minded about things of a Spiritual nature". Like Bill W. and Dr. Bob Smith, the guide to living called "the Bible" works, as evidenced in the 12 Steps those men gleaned from God's Word after taking God's way of living seriously. Submission to God's will, adopting and practicing Spiritual principles that Jesus calls us to practice in His Word, abandoning ourselves to God and loving one another without reservation, confession, admission, amends and repentance, and continually seeking to improve our conscious contact with Him sets every man and woman free who seeks Him with all their heart.

Being pointed to Dick B.'s website by my third sponsor Chuck Brissette (RIP) shortly after I came to know the Lord opened my eyes to so much AA history which New York General Service tries to hide. Bill and Bob had no "Big Book", but only the Good Book. The 12 Steps are not, as AA's had tried to diligently to teach me, "found in all religions" at all. Bill and Bob didn't find them "in all religions". Bill and Bob found them in the Bible, every single Step and early AA slogan such as "One day at a time" and "Easy does it". The book of James, 1 Corinthians and the Sermon on the Mount were where Bill and Bob gleaned every Step, after realizing that taking God's way seriously and being "a doer of the word, not just a hearer of the word" as quoted from the bood of James set them free from the "cunning, baffling and powerful" enemy who engages us all in Spiritual warfare. No, it's not alcohol. Alcohol is not "cunning", as cunning denotes intelligence and alcohol has no intelligence. Bill was referring to the Spiritual warfare going on between the Lord and the devil, the devil whose "playground" resides in our heads and who has power and authority over the Earth unless and until we rebuke him in the Name of He who has already defeated the enemy.

Now in my 18th year of continuous sobriety,I'm grateful for the opportunities to help countless other men recovery from the seemingly hopeless state of mind and body that we all find ourselves at the beginning of our recoveries.Teaching men how to recover in the way Bill and Bob first discovered it to work, and not in the watered down version that AA has become today where the success rate is stated as 1-3% rather than the 75-93% that the first more than 100 men and women experienced, has resulted in the same wildly successful recovery rate that prompted Bill to write a book about it in the first place. Praise God. I praise His Holy Name for I am free. I am free indeed.

Prayers From a 1940's AA Pamphlet

This is a prayer from a 1940's AA Pamphlet. This should really drive home how far away AA has gotten from it's roots:

"God bless this meeting and the members gathered here today. Help us to make this club a haven of strength and comfort, giving to all who seek help here, the beauty and friendliness of home -- which shall be as a shield against temptation of all kinds -- and against loneliness and despair. Bless those who are going forth from this house to
fight a gallant fight, to know suffering: and bless those who come here to rest. Those who must re-adjust themselves to face life once more.

For Jesus' sake."

Another early AA prayer:

"We thank Thee our Father for the privilege of meeting again with men and women who have a common problem and help us to realize that thru Thine help can we hope to achieve understanding of a better way of life thru Jesus Christ."

From AA History Lovers on Yahoo Groups.

Your testimony here

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Your testimony here

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